All in All

Now the hurly-burly is done, and the general fuss has died down, I feel the time has come to ask just what is the purpose of Eurovision these days?

As a youngster in the early 70s the purpose seemed to be a coming together of the whole of (small) Europe to select the best song. These would generally be sung by a known artist such as Cliff Richard or Olivia Newton-John and the prize would effectively be a minor hit for that artist in at least their own country and any other that speaks the same language. They were serious songs, dull but respectable singers and voted for by an anonymous panel of “experts”. With the obvious exception of Abba, it was hardly a springboard for people to get themselves known across Europe and beyond, and no-one did nor expected to.

By the mid 70’s, at least in this country, things had changed in that instead of unknown songwriters writing for a known artist, and the public selecting the final song, it became unknown songwriters writing for unknown artists and the public voting for song and artist. Otherwise things remained largely the same, although a lot of people wondered when exactly Israel became part of Europe.

In the 80’s it seemed to take on a bit more glamour and to be even vaguely successful, the acts were expected to do a bit more than just stand there. Dance routines took off, one could even say they became obligatory for unoriginal UK entries. Bucks Fizz went so far as to rip the girls' skirts off (guaranteed winner!) The music however, remained much the same – lightweight pop, dull ballads, and the occasional country doing something “traditional” with an odd looking instrument. Still voted for by an unseen panel of experts in each country.

By the 90s it had started to become a joke in the eyes of this country, so no decent singers or songwriters even bothered to come forward. We hadn’t won in years (although name me an entrant that deserved to be best song? Not Samantha Janus, surely?), strategic voting along national lines was becoming more apparent (Greeks vote for Cypriots and vice versa, Norway ignores Sweden and vice versa, France ignores Britain and vice versa, etc), and performances becoming more spectacular with costumes, dancers, pyrotechnics a standard (not the song, mind, just the performance). By the end of the 90s telephone voting had been introduced so you could argue that the vox populi are casting the vote for a truly great song that might be a springboard for someone. Instead it seemed to allow for the winners and losers to be selected even more on nothing better than national popularity and humour. We won in 1997, just days after Tony Blair’s New Labour swept into power after 18 years of Conservative anti-Europe rhetoric. Coincidence? I doubt it, the song wasn’t THAT great. The next year, Israel entered a glamorous transsexual singing a pumping disco song about being a Diva. Of course it swept to victory, especially as Eurovision has a strong gay following. The year Britain joined the invasion of Iraq, we scored a humiliating Nul Points, definitely an anti-war statement although in fairness the song and performance was dreadful. And in the meantime, “Europe” has expanded to 30-odd countries and so all the Baltic States vote for each other guaranteeing that the top 10 finalists will have at least 6 former Soviet Union countries, and the winner will never be a country with very few friends (ie us to be honest). In the meantime the performances have been getting grander and perhaps more ridiculous, which in turn makes them more likely to win. What could beat a transsexual? May I present Finnish Death Metal band Lordi above, this year’s victors! Most likely simply because of their over the top stage persona and performance as opposed to the quality of their song of course.

So what of the future? Britain moans at not being taken serious anymore (not that anyone could call this year’s song serious but that’s another matter), but do we have the wrong idea entirely? If it was ever serious its now a bit of fun and we should accept that. The days of being genuinely thrilled to see Telex representing Belgium are long gone so let’s not talk about persuading whoever the big band of the moment to represent us, we’d have more success with the Cheeky Girls or the Teletubbies.

But what would Terry Wogan make of that?