All in All

Spotted at Luton Airport duty free zone.

What a piece of shelf stacking genius - row upon row of minor league "celebrity" autobiography and in the centre, a book entitled "The God Delusion"

One of the things that I both love about Mac and at the same time infuriates me is that when he has a new band of suchlike to love, he loves them with a passion bordering on obsession. It’s not that I don’t necessarily love them too, I’m just that little more reserved, so his enthusiasm can become a little too much.

The Arcade Fire are a real case in point. Their first show in London was at Kings College Student Union in early 2005, before the cd was released but of course Mac had an import copy months in advance. He was obsessed. The gig was electric and I could immediately see why he was so impressed and excited. We stood next to Bjork at one point. The gig was slightly ruined by a coke-head record company guest list and his fake-tanned tart, but we have moved on from there. It was essential to see them again to assist that moving on, so off we went to the Astoria a month or so later. Later in the year we then flew to Ireland to see them (and Kraftwerk, another Mac obsession) at the Electric Picnic festival, and there was serious consideration of a trip to the States as well. Mac loves this band.

Now they are back. 5 intimate gigs, followed by a European tour. Mac’s excitement has been close to the ‘I can’t breathe’ stage. We begged, stole and borrowed to get tickets for last night’s St John’s church opening concert, followed by a week in March where there are gigs booked for Brixton, Glasgow and Paris. Isn’t this a bit much?

Well, I’ll admit that I was expecting to be a bit let down last night, after all, what can live up to that much hype, especially when it is promoting a new album not yet released. On top of that, Mac insisted on getting there and queuing up in the cold for 40 minutes before the doors opened to ensure a good seat. However, it well exceeded my expectations and they were utterly, utterly stunning, totally electric and, well, I nearly forgot how to breathe at one point. Best of all, right at the end they went out the side door right by us and played an acoustic version of ‘Wake Up’ on the church steps, and we were able to get to stand right by them, no-one in front of us, almost part of the band itself. A totally magical experience, thank you Mac, you were right again.

Btw, zoom in on the photo on this link to see if you can spot us. We’re about 6 rows from the front, and to the right. I am wearing a brown striped shirt and Mac looks like he’s gobsmacked.
http://andrewkendall.com/pages/misc/zoomify/arcadefirecrowd.php

I swear, isn’t it fantastic how Bjork will be headlining Coachella and doing Glastonbury this year? Hopefully she’ll do some solo gigs too this summer. Coachella’s other headliners are Red Hot Chili Peppers (not my scene but good showmen when I saw bits of them at T in the Park last year) and Rage Against the Machine, creating a fascinating trio of bill toppers. That said, as with all festivals there are a lot of dull acts on tap this go 'round (kaiser chiefs, lily allen, the fratellis) but the festival is 3, count 'em, 3 long days this year. That means that all of the bands one would want to see are spread out over 3 sweltering days in the desert and frequently appearing hours apart, which could be tough for some lightweights. That said, I'd love to go this year but I don’t think finaces will permit it. However, what a line-up - Bjork, Interpol, Jarvis, Peaches, Rufus Wainwright, Arcade Fire, Decemberists, Hot Chip, !!!, Sparklehorse, CocoRosie, Air, Grizzly Bear, Tapes n Tapes

One of the big things that DC Comics seems to be promoting at the moment is more diversity, bringing minorities to the fore. This is especially seen most recently with the arrival of a lesbian Batwoman, and the replacement of two established Caucasian heroes (Firestorm and the Atom) with respectively a young African-American male and a East Asian male. Reader response has been mixed.

But this is not the first time DC has tried this and whatever happens to their sales, they can be relieved to know that this attempt at diversity will never be as bad as their last one: The New Guardians.

The premise was that the guardians of the universe were to select 12 people to become the next generation of immortal guardians. DC's intention being that not all heroes come from the US. Who were selected? A Chairman Mao stereotype Chinese woman, a Japanese businessman, a South African white supremecist, an aborigine, a screamingly gay Peruvian, a next-gen post-Windrush British Jamaican, a plant-based former villain, an Inuit side-kick and a not-used anymore hero. Obviously the South African was kicked out of the group to become their main foe, genetically engineering a vampire called the Haemo-goblin (I kid you not) infected with the Aids virus to attack them.

Powered up, the team were awful stereotypes. The Japanese businessman became a living computer called Ram (as in Random Access Memory, because the Japanese are at the forfront of IT development). He's dead now. The chinese girl went from pudding bowl haircut and cliched chinese suit, to a vixen with hair down to her knees and a costume exposing cleavage right down to below her belly button, to show how now she is liberated. She's called Gloss for some reason and is still alive in a slightly better costume. The Jamaican spoke the worst patois ever ("I-n-I tink dis") and wore a costume that was little more than a bikini. She was bitten by the Haemo-goblin and died of Aids a couple of months later (yes, Aids can spread and kill that instantly!). The aborigine became part of the aboriginal Dreamtime and appeared in dreams, controlling dreams. The worst was the gay man. The called him Extrano, which is Spanish for strange, or odd, or possibly queer. He was camper than Larry Grayson on a bad day. He was scratched by the Haemo-goblin and was diagnosed with HIV. This incensed many gay readers at the time. I even wrote a letter (it was published, but thankfully anticipating a later wave of embarrassment at the idea of writing a letter to a comic, I wrote under a pseudonym so no-one will ever know), saying that it has never been shown that HIV can be transmitted through fingernails. They said that all will be explained about his HIV. They did a scene of him in a graveyard in his hometown where he looked at the graves and muttered "Ramon, Paco, Juan, how many of you have I lost to this vile scourge". Yes, their answer was that well, he's a gay man, of course he has HIV. This should be coupled with his first appearance where he was about to commit suicide as he was so unhappy with being gay - great depiction of your average gay male there. He may still be alive in comic terms but let's hope we never see him again.

The New Guardians lasted 12 issues. Sadly I still have all of them. This was a bad moment for DC Comics, I hope that the diversity of 2007 is better executed.

I had sort of promised myself not to keep blogging about Celebrity Big Brother but I think it's hard to avoid talking about the latest situation. I have to wonder at what point Channel 4 will give up on the thought that only no publicity is bad publicity? Hopefully main spnsors Carphone Warehouse considering their position might do something.

The fuss this year is the alleged racism/bullying from the witches coven of Jade Goody, the S Club girl and the ex Miss Great Britain, as well as from the Goody family invasion. Do I think it's racism? Tough one because I think that is treading a very fine line of interpretation and perhaps political correctness. There is, however, no question of bullying and straight out of the playground bitching from the coven. Yes, they are bullys. Yes, they are picking on Shilpa because she doesn't fit in with their crowd. Yes, they are acting immature and ignorant to the extent that it is coming across as offensive and painful television. We are trying to avoid watching it now.

I'd like to say that this will damage their careers, especially Jade's, but of the three of them she will be the one most likely to survive. Miss Great Britain will be vilified on exit. Quite right too, but considering she isn't exactly seen in a good light after being fired once it was discovered that she was sleeping with one of the judges who picked her as Miss Great Britain, she's not lost that much face. Jo S Club won't rekindle her career but she wasn't that keen on doing that anyway.

That leaves us with Jade. Okay, I'll go on record here and admit that I despise her and her family, and they have been disgraceful on the programme. I'm offended that these nobodies have been paid vast amounts of money to appear. The boyfriend is a stupid child - having a televised hand shandy and coming all over Jade so that she could let everyone know what he has done was a disgrace. The mother is ignorant and probably come closest to outright racism by referring to Shilpa just as 'the Indian' and failing to pronounce her name correctly (IT IS NOT DIFFICULT). But Jade is the ringleader for everything. Sadly she is also a master self-publicist and on leaving to house to find how badly she has been received, will do a tearful tell-all interview with Heat (and anyone else who will listen) and get away with it.

This programme has ceased to be must-see television. Get it off my screen now.

What a disaster!

The other day Mac and I were musing about how Endemol and Channel 4 must have been congratulating themselves last year over the success of Celebrity Big Brother - the inspired choice of housemates, George Galloway's cat impression, the romance between Chantelle and Preston etc - I'll bet there were bonuses all round.

A week and a half into this year and ratings are dropping and three contestants have walked already. The decision to bring Jade Goody, her stupid boyfriend and her "former heroin addict, one-armed lesbian" mother has been a catastrophic error. Jade has done herself no favours ("I am the 25th most influential person in the world, when my face is on the cover of a magazine it sells more copies than a magazine with Victoria Beckhan on it"). Her mother is already voted out and as far as I could tell all she did was fart and be vaguely racist (it is not difficult to say Shilpa, and giving up and referring to her just as 'the Indian' was quite offensive). The boyfriend just fades into the background.

Donnt Tourette jumped over the fence not wanting to have anything to do with them. Ken Russell called them white trash and said he didn't want to remain in there with them any more. now little Leo has gone too (although probably not related to Jade's arrival, he was just an odious prat).

How can they turn this around? Not by bringing Dale Winton in anyway.

Yes, it’s that time of the year again… Celebrity Big Brother.

I promise that (a) I won’t watch it excessively, and (b) I won’t comment on it excessively, but I will quickly do a summary on my views of the contenders, and those rumoured celebs that didn’t happen.

Jermaine Jackson, brother of Michael, Janet, Tito etc. Apparently he has converted to Islam and is now Muhammed Abdul Aziz. Does that means his son, Jermajesty, can get a more sensible name too? Won’t win, and without someone like Pete Burns there to stir things up is unlikely to be drawn into an argument over his brother.

The disgraced former Miss Great Britain. Obviously in there to claw back any credibility to her reputation which was lost when it was revealed that she had been sleeping with one of the judges for months before the competition. Doesn’t stand a chance, very few people even knew she existed until she was stripped of her title.

A top Bollywood actress. Very pretty young lady indeed. Will make it to the end but won’t win.

A Daily Mirror columnist (apologies for not knowing the names of these last three but although I accept the Bollywood actress is famous in her field, none of them are exactly household names). I fail to see how a journalist can even be classed as a celebrity. One of the first to be evicted.

Ken Russell. He’s 79 and not looking well at all, will he be the first to die in the house? The last film of his I saw was I think ‘Crimes of Passion’, and awful film about Kathleen Turner being a ball-busting exec during the day and an s&m whore at night, and Anthony Perkins as a dodgy priest who she ends up killing with a dildo. I’d love him to win but he won’t.

Leo Sayer. Having a remixed No1 single last year obviously makes him think he’s ready to be comeback king. He won’t be, but maybe they will re-release ‘You make me feel like dancing’ or a greatest hits cd and he can make a few extra bucks.

Jo from S Club 7. Rachel Stevens was the pretty one in the band and had a few successful singles and lots of FHM covers once they split. Jo was the slightly butch one with the decent voice who had no success as a solo artist and returned to Essex to play bingo and breed dogs. This will probably be a brief and final return to the spotlight although I guess she could use it as an audition for any musical going. Possibly get through to the end but not a winner.

Donny Tourette from Towers of London. Doing the Preston from the Ordinary Boys thing of being in a non-descript band so using this to get a bit of publicity which will allow for a single/album to get more sales than it usually would, a quick cash-in UK tour and finally a slot at most of the summer festivals. I know nothing about the band but he looks like a walking cliché and won’t win.

Cleo Roccos. Hasn’t changed a bit in the last 20 years since her Kenny Everett Television Show days. How has she done this? Is it a Dorian Gray thing and there is an aging portrait in her attic? Won’t win.

H from Steps. The day before he went into the house he opened his heart to the Sun newspaper and came out as gay (I note that no-one has said they were surprised at this revelation). Just like Stephen Gately from Boyzone and Mark from Westlife, he chose to tell all to the Sun in a very sympathetic interview. The same Sun newspaper that often makes very homophobic jokes and is generally seen as not that gay friendly. How odd. Surely each of their decisions to tell all to the Sun had nothing to do with a reporter coming to their door to say that they are about to break the story anyway, wouldn’t you prefer to be in control of it and do it through an exclusive sympathetic interview instead of an expose? Stands a decent chance of being final 3.

Dirk Benedict. Face from the A-Team. Starbuck from the original Battlestar Galactica. Not aging well. Probably Final 3.

Will it reach the heights of last year, with George Galloway, Pete Burns, Barrymore, Chantelle & Preston, Jody Whore? I doubt it.

Why couldn’t they get Justin Hawkins from the Darkness as rumoured? Or that funny Lauren Harries obnoxious child/transsexual? Or Marilyn? Yes, why not Marilyn, I’m sure he could do with the money and exposure.

Hopefully this is big enough to read.

I cut this from the news section of the NME website earlier today. An article about James Brown's band vowing to carry on.

It's the related links bit that gets me, I assume they just look for key words. I understand 'James Brown dies' being a totally related item, but 'Cat Power - "I wanted to die"'? No, this isn't her being interviewed about hearing the news of Brown's death and wanting to end it all because his death heralds the death of music, just a general interview with her from months back about her own personal demons.

I don't think this can be classed as a related link at all.

Out of 2006 and into 2007, what was good, what was bad and what do we have to look forward to?

2006
Gigs of the year (in no particular order)

Secret Machines at the Garage
Goldfrapp at Brixton
Datarock at the Luminaire (first time for preference)
Camille at the Scala
Sparks at the Forum (second time for preference)
Lorraine at the Metro

Venue of the year
Luminaire in Kilburn

Film of the year
Volver

Played to death cd of the year
Sufjan Stevens – Come on feel the Illinoise (admittedly a 2005 cd, but that’s me)

Worst venue of the year
Roundhouse/Koko (tie)

Gig Buddies of the year (Ian Mac not included)
Kieran and Janet Smyth

Television moment
George Galloway in a leotard doing robotic dancing

Most boring place I have spent a lot of time in this year
Easyjet departure lounges at Glasgow and Luton

2007
Resolution
Quit Kit Kats in the same way I haven’t eaten a crisp in over 12 months

Gig wishlist
Bruce Springsteen
Bjork
Kraftwerk

Domestic
Make an honest man of Ian Mac
See as many friends local and worldwide as possible

Because Gay means Happy and happy means Gay!

Towards the end of last year I went out for a drinks with my best friends and against my will they dragged me into the GAY bar on Compton Street. I've purposely always avoided this bar because as a man in his early 40s with (then) a comedy moustache it wasn't the sort of bar aimed at me and my type. I could barely disguise my horror at the camp and flighty little boys dancing and singing in front of the wall of videos constantly churning out gay pop.

When I got home and reflected on my behaviour I was a little disappointed at my intolerance, and perhaps within that there was a little jealousty that bars like that didn't exist 20 years ago when I was their age. It made me think though that Mac and I are not exactly "gay" gays, and although we don't ever want to become that, we shouldn't turn our back on it completely.

To mark the acknowledgement of our gay heritage last night we went to Kylie's Showgirl Homecoming concert which was as gay as you could get in the audience, and as camp as you could get on stage. She was fantastic and the show incredible. We even sang along to "Especially for you" which seemed to have changed from a saccharine commercial cash-in to a moving tribute to her return following breast cancer. We love Kylie! (I'd be surprised though if more than 30% of the male dancers are straight though)

Following this we will be popping to the Palladium next month to see Rufus Wainwright recreate Judy Garland's Carnegie Hall concert. Is that gay enough for you?

(ps one final gig for 2006, St Etienne. A fantatsic Christmas warm-up of pop, the Charlie Brown Christmas special with live soundtrack, and 'Star Quality', the worst regional game show from the 80s ever!)